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Which one
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Cheyanne Reid
Posted February 20, 2014 7:26 PM
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I want to show you guys a scene from one of my scripts do you wanna see from moonlight madness, what's the difference or jjc puppy adventure?

Geoff Morton
Posted February 20, 2014 8:27 PM
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Without knowing what any of them are about, any answer we gave you would be arbitrary. What are each of them about?

Cheyanne Reid
Posted February 21, 2014 4:20 AM
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Moonlight madness is a mystery film
What's the difference is a family heart warming. Film

And jjc puppy adventure is about 3 pups who have magical powers

Geoff Morton
Posted February 21, 2014 5:59 AM
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Not that I'm trying to be difficult, but none of those descriptions actually tells me anything about the story, although the third comes closest.

http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/

If you're not already familiar with the concept, or even if you are, read that article and do some more research on loglines. They're your "elevator pitch", when you've got ten seconds to try and entice someone into reading your story. They're the "TV GUIDE SYNOPSIS" of your story.

Every screenwriter needs to know their story's logline, and keep it firmly in mind as they write. It's the core idea that drives the story.

Consider your three magical puppies. That's the germ of a logline, but it doesn't tell me anything about the story in question. What happens to them to make them magical. Do they go on some sort of quest? Do they have an adversary that they're coming up against?

Three puppies, given magical powers in a freak lightning storm, must protect their home from the vicious family cat who's also gained powers and has no problems using them.

Not fantastic, but it's a start. It tells the reader a little about the story without getting bogged down in details. It gives you a clue as to the conflict that they'll be participating in, and a little bit of an idea as to the stakes if they fail.

Margaret Langendorf
Posted February 21, 2014 6:23 AM
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Hi Cheyanne,


Welcome to T'ville. Geoff is right. Without loglines and genre, it's hard to say anything.


He's given you good pointers here on how to write one. The only thing I would add is that a good logline includes what's at stake if the quest should fail. (Three magical puppies must protect the family home or fall into the hands of animal control and be separated at the local animal shelter where they euthanize after 30 days...) or whatever.


But, you know, without loglines, I vote PUPPIES!


Again, welcome.
Margaret

Cheyanne Reid
Posted February 21, 2014 1:17 PM
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Moonlight madness is about 2 sisters who move from Florida to teenese.  But when Alexis meets topaz strange things happen like whenever a full moon is out, if they have something planned it gets ruined, something special to them gets destroyed, if nothing then a huge storm occurs and they try to figure out why this is happening to them.

Geoff Morton
Posted February 21, 2014 1:39 PM
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Okay, I take it the sisters are Alexis and Topaz? When you say they meet, do you mean whenever they get close to each other?


What personal lessons do they learn over the course of the story?
How does their relationship change?
What are the consequences if they don't change, or don't understand what's happening to them.
Is there an adversary that they have to overcome to reach this understanding, or to survive?

Cheyanne Reid
Posted February 21, 2014 1:47 PM
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Oh no! Alexis is Jenny's younger sister when they move Alexis makes a new freind which is topaz.

Geoff Morton
Posted February 21, 2014 1:51 PM
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Okay, so...


When sister Jenny and Alexis meet the mysterious Topaz, strange things begin to happen. Can they unravel the mystery before (the stakes event... you need to tell us).

Cheyanne Reid
Posted February 21, 2014 1:55 PM
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They solve and stop it in moonlight madness 4 by killing the witch who put the spell on the moon and topaz tells them she's the moon princess so that's how her & the moon are connected.