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Trouble with Script
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John-Luke Valden
Posted June 10, 2014 5:37 PM
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Hello,


 


I've been having trouble with my pilot script for my series, Springtime Hollow. So far, the current draft only has 15 pages, while the requirement for a 22-minute series is 22 pages. That means I'm seven pages short. If anyone has any ideas on what I should add without making it sound too mundane, I'd appreciate it.


 


Thank you.


PS: In case you're interested, here is the link to my script:


http://www.talentville.com/screenplay/4048


 


Thomas Herring
Posted July 14, 2014 4:18 PM
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I haen't read it yet, but did you add  "B" story to it that may tie in? That's something I've forgotten to do at times. 


Paul Chironi
Posted June 28, 2016 8:38 PM
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Hey John-Luke:


It sounds like you have written a single-camera comedy.


Is that correct?


If so, I suggest looking at a PDF of a pilot you like that is similar in tone. (I like MY NAME IS EARL.)


Also, a lot of times a story can suffer from too many payoffs and not enough set-ups, or vice versa, or both.


Whenever I get stuck, I go back to my outline and see if I have written beyond it.


If I have, I write a new outline.


When I write the new outline, I ask myself new questions that I want answered.


These are usually "What would happen if?" questions.


For example, what would happen if Our Hero had his genitalia caught in a zipper at his girlfriend's house on prom night? (THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY)


Also, not to promote product (not mine but John August's) you might want to consider getting the Writer Emergency Pack deck of cards.


If you are panicking because you need to make a deadline -- then break open the seal to the deck of cards (the Emergency Pack) and think about the random solution that is offered. (The solution is a way of thinking about something, not something specific like making your Hero an Inanimate Carbon Rod like in THE SIMPSONS.)


Keep punching keys,


Paul