Logline Hospital (powered by Script Pipeline)
An effective log line - short, catchy, intriguing - is a key to enticing others to take a look at your script. However, writing a great log line isn't as easy as it looks, so to help you get more attention for your scripts, we created the Logline Hospital, powered by our friends at Script Pipeline. Each week, Script Pipeline will pick two needy loglines from the scripts with the most votes and give them an Extreme Makeover, Talentville style.
South Side Rules
Log Line: Even though it means certain death, a 16 year old Southside Chicago thug with blood on his hands seeks forgiveness from a vengeful gang leader. SYNOPSIS: In the p...
6 Votes
The Entrance Exam
Anna is practicing for an entrance exam. If she fails, she can't got to Paris, France with her family and she has to live with her boring aunt. Her friend Olivia gives her adv...
5 Votes
Pimps Don't Commit Suicide
A self-centered ladies man struggles with love and life while seeking redemption.
1 Vote
Daniel
Shy and lonely Daniel meets a girl named Caroline and kindle a friendship. She gives him advice on how to fix his problems on bullying.
1 Vote
STORMING SEDALIA
Unsuspecting residents of Sedalia, MO - including a troubled preacher and an angry grocer with an ailing wife - must contend with the chaos of sex, drugs, rock 'n roll when hu...
0 Votes
The waiting room is currently empty.
Be sure to look through the nominated log lines and vote for the ones you think are most in need of a stay in the Logline Hospital.
LIZZIE by wayne taylor
Released on May 11 2012
On a roll. . . this one looks fine, too--establishes the protagonist/s, the problem, the conflict, and the stakes. Nicely done.
Before Treatment:
When a new railroad detective discovers the “accidental” deaths plaguing the rail yard are actually the work of a vengeful witch’s spirit, he reluctantly joins forces with a troubled teen girl to stop the menace before more innocent lives are lost - including their own.
Race for the Galaxy by Carey Grayson
Released on May 04 2012
Also looks good! To-the-point, we know the conflict/stakes, and the genre.
Before Treatment:
A cocky cyclebot racer and an egghead alien must work together if they are to stop an invading force from conquering the galaxy.
Pilot by Yana Gibbs
Released on May 04 2012
Looks good! (minor suggestion: maybe add character detail, e.g. "When a TV soap opera actress falls into a coma, her unemployed sister. . . .")
Before Treatment:
When an actress falls in a coma, her sister decides to impersonate her to save her twin's private life and career.
Accelerated Learning by Neal Barringer
Released on April 27 2012
In a world where college is completed in weeks instead of years, a freshman student finds herself caught in the middle of a plot to sabotage the technology.
Before Treatment:
Accelerated Learning is a Thriller with a Mystery ending. The norm in this world is to complete College in 4 to 5 weeks rather than 4 to 5 years. Students accomplish this with an implant that sends textbook knowledge directly to memory cells. A device attaches to a port located behind the right ear. The device translates textbooks into brain waves. The main tension is "How will students exploit this technology? For their own personal benefit?"
Lincoln's Love: The Legend of Ann by Millie Raphael
Released on April 20 2012
A college student travels back in time when she discovers her connection to Abraham Lincoln, learning an unshakable truth and its potential implications for her future.
Before Treatment:
Cassie is a young student at a Washington University dealing with issues of love and loss in her life. While working on a research paper about President Lincoln, the self-made man, she stumbles upon a legend about him. The myth concerns a beautiful young woman who he met and fell in love with at the tender age of 21 during his stay in a small Illinois village in the early 1830s. Researching the legend, Cassie discovers her own unbreakable connection to it and to him, and finds that she must journey back in time to face its potential implications for her future, his past and for a young, struggling nation at the brink of war. Along the way, she learns the unshakable truth that it is our losses that ultimately define us and that love has the power to transform us all.
JOHARI WINDOW by Alex Moreno
Released on April 20 2012
While working his way through med-school, self-proclaimed "player" Al is forced into single parenthood after the mother of his newborn daughter abandons them, but he soon realizes he may not be her biological father, forcing him into a difficult decision.
Before Treatment:
Al thinks life is pretty sweet, until he's left, literally, holding the baby...
Sloppy Seconds by Bob Benson
Released on April 13 2012
An older, out-of-style college professor, notoriously unlucky with women, gets another shot with some ex-loves, but soon realizes the dating scene is an absolute nightmare [based on longer synopsis]
Before Treatment:
An older college professor gets a second chance with some loves of his youth. He may think he knows a lot more but in the end he knows a lot worse.
"THE NEWBORN NEXUS" by Warren Shuman
Released on April 06 2012
A man endowed with supernatural "gifts" manages to cheat death and must find a way to rescue a woman and her unborn baby--by reversing time.
Before Treatment:
Abuelita Carmen, a mysterious "espiritista", tells Blake Stewart that Angels endowed him with Gifts at birth; that he is a Newborn, an evolved Normal, with Alex Carter, a dual-entity in the same body; that they have powers, perhaps even to cheat death, and an incredible destiny.
"Body Scavengers" by Warren Shuman
Released on April 06 2012
After a homicide detective accidentally kills his family during a drunk driving incident, he finds himself battling for his own life when a philanthropic hospital drugs him for his body organs.
Before Treatment:
"A homicide detective kills his family while he is DUI; he hits bottom, wanders into a philanthropic hospital where they drug him for his body-organs!”
FORGIVING JACK by James Cox
Released on April 02 2012
After being held responsible for the death of a young girl, troubled alcoholic Jack Stanton is released from prison and assigned to community service at a children's hospital, where he befriends a young patient dying of cancer who teaches him that he must forgive before he can be forgiven.
Before Treatment:
Jack Stanton is a troubled victim of childhood abuse and an alcoholic. While driving drunk, he is responsible for the death of a young girl. He spends 3 years in prison and then is assigned to Children's Hospital, Los Angeles as part of his probation/community service. He meets a young patient who is dying of cancer as well as various members of the staff who may or not be who they seem. They all however have one thing in common: They will show Jack that he must forgive before he can be forgiven. The central question remains though: Will Jack accept the price for this forgiveness and does he even have a choice?
Over the Rainbow(s) by Jeff Brown
Released on March 23 2012
Over a search for a lost pair of flip-flops, Jake struggles to deal with his current, unhealthy relationship and a more meaningful connection with "the one that got away."
Before Treatment:
While angrily searching for a lost pair of flip flops, Jake struggles to deal with his present, unhealthy relationship with Morgan, whilst also struggling to let go and move on from a past, more meaningful relationship with Rachel, "the one that got away".
PART I OF 4 Revision 9_1.1 by ARNE BUE
Released on March 23 2012
A bitter, childless woman begins a journey of self-discovery sparked a mysterious and seemingly abandoned young boy.
Before Treatment:
“HUMBLE SNYDER,” (A FOUR-PART MINI-SERIES, FAMILY DRAMA) by ARNE L. BUE A bitter, childless woman and her husband encounter a mysterious boy at a lake a hundred miles from the city.
The Highway Cross by Cheryl Schmidt
Released on March 16 2012
Following a bizarre series of dreams and apparitions, a widowed, single mother discovers romance in the face of an incredible phenomenon.
Before Treatment:
Holly, a single mother/widow, finds her calling in the highway cross. In a desperation for deliverance out of her mundane life, she cries out in prayer. Following a series of bizarre dreams and apparitions pertaining to highway deaths, a romance is found, a new hope of prosperity is born, and a phenomenon discovered.
Outback by Ross Clarkson
Released on March 16 2012
After a once wealthy Australian cattle station gets into financial trouble, an investment executive sent from Hong Kong uncovers a criminal plot undermining the operation.
Before Treatment:
“When a once wealthy cattle station in Australia gets into financial trouble, an investment executive and his Chinese assistant are sent from Hong Kong to Australia to investigate. Once in Australia they discover a criminal plot to undermine the cattle station’s value and force the owner to sell well below market price.”
The Big Game by Mike Michalak
Released on March 02 2012
His day ruined by an unexpected visit from a pushy family member, Ben seeks revenge on this mooching in-law by spiking his food with powerful laxatives, but later discovers the prank was a huge mistake. [based on writer's synopsis]
Before Treatment:
When one keeps feeling bottled up inside, you never know what you are capable of doing. Tension grows between brother-in-laws.
Tigers in Suburbia by David deHaas
Released on February 10 2012
Good as is--straightforward and to-the-point. However, more details could be added regarding the conflict, at your discretion.
Before Treatment:
A suburban town is overwhelmed with violence after two teenage brothers accidentally murder a member of a street gang.
Morning Terror by Neal Barringer
Released on January 27 2012
A young wife, accused of her husband's grisly murder, must fight through damning rumors against her and prove she's not "guilty until proven innocent."
Before Treatment:
A young Wife wakes to find her Husband lying in a pool of blood on the living room floor. Investigations point to only one possible suspect. Rumors of infidelity, reports of late-night quarrels, suspicions of financial problems, even the Wife's own daydreams suggest she's "guilty until proven innocent."
The Hurt Inside by Dawn Chapman
Released on January 20 2012
A suicidal girl attempts to pull her dysfunctional family back together while battling a potentially deadly disease and a series of mental breakdowns.
Before Treatment:
A young anorexic chooses to fight for her life and draw her estranged family back together.
KHDZ by David Beshears
Released on January 16 2012
Employee John Smith is sent "downstairs" to work at Hades' local television station, where he deals with strange characters--and stranger programming--in this dark satire.
Before Treatment:
Dark Satire. John Smith is the first person ever sent downstairs due to a mix-up in the paperwork. While this is sorted out, he is assigned to work at Hades' local television station, where he must deal with strange characters and stranger programming. All the more bizarre, he arrived just in time for Founder's Day...
Caprivi by Peter Dewhirst
Released on January 16 2012
Two travelers and a Namibian guide find themselves caught in-between a secret, secessionist war raging across the barren wilderness of the Caprivi Strip.
Before Treatment:
The Caprivi Strip: a lush, fertile finger of land in the otherwise barren wilderness of north-east Namibia. Here, amongst the magnificent flora and abundant wildlife, a secret war is raging. Into this remote and beautiful region venture two travelers with a Namibian guide, unaware that their presence is soon to be exploited by opposing sides of a secessionist conflict.
The Way Forward by lucyriches
Released on January 06 2012
In a future devastated by famine, a member of a hedonistic rebellion and a law-abiding citizen strike up a friendship. [could use additional plot details]
Before Treatment:
In 2015 the world hits a state of famine. 15 years later society is divided into health obsessed, law abiding, rationed state against a rebellious hedonistic side. What happens when two people from opposing sides strike up a friendship.
The Star in the East by John Adcox
Released on December 30 2011
After his wife's sudden death, a baseball star races to uncover a priceless treasure and a 2,000 year-old mystery dating back to the first Christmas--that is, if deadly agents don't catch him first.
Before Treatment:
After his wife’s sudden death, a baseball star is left with only her last Christmas gift: a globe-spanning mystery. Pursued by the deadly agents of a murderous Count, he races to uncover a priceless treasure and a two-thousand-year-old mystery that dates back to the very first Christmas.
Buyer Beware by JD Simone
Released on December 30 2011
A troubled teen must save his twin brothers trapped in their backyard from an English Mastiff, who has turned deadly after ingesting a toxic, chemical-filled substance.
Before Treatment:
Sixteen-year-old Kevin finds out there’s a fate worse than babysitting - saving his six-year-old twin brothers from their two English Mastiff's after they drink from a toxic, chemical-filled puddle in the back yard of their new home.
Miriam's Star by Steve Fournier
Released on December 23 2011
An astronomer discovers a star destined to explode will destroy all life on Earth, but when a government cover-up aims to keep this a secret, he must make amends with his past and prepare for a seemingly inevitable extinction [based on script's synopsis].
Before Treatment:
A forty year old astronomer discovers a star that will soon explode along with the cover-up to keep it hidden. As the clock ticks, he discovers something else. Himself.
A Ship Through Fire by John Winn Miller
Released on December 23 2011
N/A, looks fine!
Before Treatment:
An American smuggler must outrun a U-Boat captain bent on his destruction and outwit the mutinous crew of his own cargo ship in a desperate rescue of a Jewish friend's family.
Claws by Sean Ellis
Released on December 16 2011
After discovering evidence of a legendary and dangerous creature, an anthropologist and his son must convince authorities the threat is genuine, while a tribesman realizes his life's purpose: to hunt down and destroy the beast.
Before Treatment:
In the frozen wilderness of the Yukon, Marcus Fletcher (48), an anthropologist, discovers DNA evidence of a legendary Creature, known to the local Tutchone people as Yakatutch. But his son Scott (20) a local snowboarding champ, is unconvinced. When an unknown animal starts killing people in the mountains, Marcus contacts a Tutchone Elder, who explains that Yakatutch can only be killed by one of his descendants. The Elder sends Matusa, a powerful-looking but quiet young tribesman, who has been raised for one purpose: to kill The Beast. But, can Marcus and Scott convince the authorities the threat is real, before it is too late?
The Threat by Leslie Coe
Released on December 09 2011
An FBI agent connects a seemingly random series of global events and must prove they will pose a monumental threat to the United States.
Before Treatment:
FBI Agent Jack Rennie seems to be the only one that sees a connection to a seemingly random series of world wide events until he proves that they are leading to a major threat to the United States.
Stormangels by Paul Mailhot
Released on December 09 2011
Aaron will do anything to be with Valery: if that means traveling to another world, battling an undead army, destroying his divine father, and preventing the apocalypse. . . done.
Before Treatment:
Aaron will do anything to be with Valery, the love of his life. If that means traveling to another world to battle an undead army, destroy his divine father and prevent the apocalypse, then that's just what he'll do.
Pilot : The Virus by Dawn Chapman
Released on December 02 2011
An alien race, living in a tense peace with humanity, must eliminate a deadly terrorist's virus, forcing the two clans to unite and prevent an all-out war.
Before Treatment:
For many years since their arrival on Earth, the Aonise have forged a tense peace treaty with humanity, living in the ghettos of their city as rival clans. Yet when a terrorists virus designed to eliminate them spreads to humans instead, Taliri, the son of the last Aonise king, is forced out of hiding to end the crisis. He must now unite his fractured people and try to prevent an all-out war.
Big Break by Luke Bruce
Released on December 02 2011
N/A (looks fine!)
Before Treatment:
A fact checker for a small town newspaper is given the opportunity to fill in for one of the regular columnists, but things get complicated when he falls for the girl in the neighboring cubical.
Emily The Bulldog by Brian Hathaway
Released on November 26 2011
A bulldog is spiritually-guided by a grey wolf, who helps her become a super hero and attempt to destroy an inhumane, evil lab abusing animals.
Before Treatment:
EMILY THE BULLDOG tells the story of EMILY, a bulldog who yearns for more meaning and significance than that of the very comfortable and easy life provided by her caregiver humans, BRIAN & ERIKA, along with their daughter, HOPE. ALO, a Grey Wolf, becomes the spiritual guide for EMILY. ALO instructs EMILY on The Way of The Spiritual Warrior and on becoming a Super-Hero. She acquires super abilities to help all creatures. There is a secret lab, ORGANISS, doing research on animals which tortures them and makes them victims of abuse and inhumane treatment. EMILY and her posse must and do find a way to save the imprisoned animals, stop experimentation and expose the evil doings of ORGANISS.
Will 'n Shakespeare by Tim Lane
Released on November 26 2011
The life of William Shakespeare, as historically-skewed and culturally inappropriate as possible--take that, Monty Python.
Before Treatment:
Thirty some odd years ago the British comedy group, Monty Python, made the movie “The Life of Brian”. I thought surely God would smite them. He has not. They made fun of Jesus, now, it's payback time. It time for us to ridicule the great British icon: William Shakespeare. In the process we skewer any British literary, theatrical, or cultural thing... including Monty Python bits... that we can...and let God have mercy on their souls.
Carfax by Yana Gibbs
Released on November 18 2011
A police officer discovers a railway accident may somehow be connected to the death of his mother 20 years ago, giving him an extraordinary opportunity to change history and reverse a course of events that will save her life.
Before Treatment:
Twenty years after his mother’s death, a police officer investigates a collision at a railway crossing, discovering that the accident and her death may be connected. This is his unique opportunity to change the past, and bring his mother back – if he can figure out the problem on time.
El Feo(The Ugly One) by Leo Reyes
Released on November 18 2011
An emotionally-fragile detective suffering from PTSD discovers he's the main suspect in the death of a prostitute, forcing him to set out on his own and uncover the alarming truth behind the investigation--before his mind betrays him again.
Before Treatment:
When police detective Jaime Lucas returns to work, he adjusts slowly. He fears that he'll lose control of a crime scene and get cut up by a drug dealer again. Even with all the physical training he does, he can't get over that apprehension--to be prepared for anything and everything. Despite being faithful to his fears, he isn't ready for when he finds the body of a prostitute he has an affair with. He doesn't know what he is doing there at her crime scene. But he knows that his dream life is leaking into his reality. Now that he is the main suspect in her death, he begins his own investigation.


