Total # of Review Ratings: 38
Average Review Rating: 3.29

Ratings: 3

Score: 3.67

Almost Almost Famous

"Modlz In Da House"

Sitcom • 34 Pages | Comedy

A A F review

Posted: Sep 17, 2012

Hi. I like the title of your series... AAF. Clever and easy to remember. Clever premise, a show within a show. When I first saw this episode\'s title I thought I\'d be reading a story involving a black hip-hop producer mogul or similar but that\'s not the case. I think. I\'m really still not sure what\'s going on here. It would help if you posted a series bible with character bios and loglines for at least a few more episodes. If you haven\'t written one you should. You have a great idea here that shows promise with a lot of work and you\...

Ratings: Not yet rated

Aversion Falls

"Deadly Play"

Drama • 102 Pages | Horror, Suspense/Thriller

Aversion Falls

Posted: Sep 09, 2012

Your concept is intriguing and unique (as far as I know) and is something I would watch. The stories intertwined well and the dialogue, except for a few places, sounded natural. I liked the character\'s names also. The premise, and your writing, shows a good deal of talent and promise. Unfortunately for me, the story gets so bogged down with all the unnecessary camera directions (pg. 27 CAMERA ZOOMS INTO A WATERY EYE), descriptions that are too detailed and too many characters, that I lost my way. I realize it\'s an ensemble piece but 18 speak...

Ratings: Not yet rated

The Gobblygrimer

Short Script • 3 Pages | Animated

the gobblygrimer

Posted: Sep 02, 2012

I thought the idea was cute and the title very clever (Grimygobbler is good too, no?) so I was hoping for a delightful children\'s tale but then I realized this story was very similar to the animated series \"Bump in The Night\" featuring \"Mr. Bumpy\", who ate a 10 year old boy\'s dirty socks, and his cohort \"The Closet Monster\" who was made up of the boy\'s dirty clothes. So if you want to produce this or use it as a writing sample (OR make it a book & self publish!) you\'ll need a different angle, a twist and something unique in it. And...

Ratings: 2

Score: 3.50

The Shepherd

Short Script • 13 Pages | Drama

The Shepard Warning- SPOILERS

Posted: Aug 25, 2012

Good Title. Ironic. Notes as I read: First page confusing. I know you have the general info in your logline but it needs to be in the script. In the sluglines. Something like... INT. KITCHEN- ROTHSCHILD HOME, GERMANY, 1945- DAY I found getting into the story took too long with all the details in the action. You could thin that out. And I would delete \"A BEAT\". It takes up an entire line of space, it\'s redundant and it\'s a direction. Let the actors do the acting. Question.. Albert is 8 and is just getting Christened? Okay, it was w...

Ratings: 2

Score: 3.50

The Key

Short Script • 4 Pages | Drama

I'm confused

Posted: Aug 19, 2012

Okay. This has an interesting concept, the dialogue is natural and to the point for the most part and your writing style gets kudos from me. I thought I\'d found a nice poignant short to review because your structure is professional and your descriptions are vivid , which made visualizing the scenes easy. The read was a pleasure, until--- I got lost. Like lost in the jungles of Nam at night without a flashlight. Unfortunately, I now have more questions than suggestions. WHEN is this set? What year? That should be on the first slugline. ...

Ratings: 1

Score: 4.00

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

"The Gang Catches Predators"

Sitcom • 29 Pages | Comedy

Always Sunny....

Posted: Aug 15, 2012

This was an easy, fun read. As a fan of the show, it was easy to visualize and it had me smiling all the way through. It flowed along perfectly. No glaring typos, no weak elements etc. I\'ve read sitcom specs that had all the action in CAPS and the dialogue double spaced (which I find annoying) and I appreciate you not doing that. The characters and their interaction sounded true to life. So true that I felt like I\'d seen this episode already. Was it produced? (writer\'s draft 7/13/11)? If not, it should be. Anyway, I don\'t have ...

Ratings: 4

Score: 3.00

NOWHERE & NOTHING

"Lamentations - Episode #102"

Drama • 50 Pages | Fantasy, Western

Lamentations A pleasure to read.

Posted: Aug 09, 2012

Hi. Loved it! I was a diehard fan of Deadwood. I don\'t have a lot to say, didn\'t find many problems and I really enjoyed reading your work. I just wonder if it\'s proper format to put the whole long TITLE on every page & the word CONTINUED twice on every page if it\'s a spec script. I find it annoying anyway, especially in all CAPS. Anyway, your dialogue is perfect, and thank you for not using my most cringe worthy word (and one of Deadwood\'s favorites) - the \"c word\" . I just have a few notes. Did you know you have Hiram Au...

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