Cara Shepard

A FRAZZLED HOUSEWIFE (30s), mom of three, wife of a military chaplain, always flexible (Semper Gumby!), yet always clinging to the small things that seem unchanging in this mad, mad world…

I’ve always loved writing. But I’m a slow reader. I’ve always loved movies. But I grew up in an ultra-conservative home where we stuck to the “safe” classics. I’ve always wanted to be bold, and dramatic, and produce a tidal wave of change in our current, collective thought process. But everyone calls me “shy,” and sometimes I believe them, and I waver, and I forget what I was saying or where I was going…

My husband calls me a “Yes, but…” when comparing me to the different Marines and Sailors he counsels. And I guess I’m okay with that (although he got an earful the first time he used that descriptor). At least it propels me to recognize my many “buts” and fight them, head on.

So I read. And I watch movies. And I read screenplays. And I force myself into awkward situations where I stretch past my introverted limitations. I go to the silly events, where all the wives get together to lament that it’s only midway through the deployment (when all I want to do is curl up at home in my tight pants and slippers). And I watch. And I listen. And I see patterns, again and again. People. Searching. Longing. Never happy with themselves. Wanting to be different. Striving to find meaning in their day-to-day lives -- validation that what they’re doing matters and where they’re going is meaningful.

And I’ve come to realize that if I just keep at it, moving forward in this crazy, chaotic progression, it happens. A moment. When it all collides. All that I’m learning. All that I’m watching. As if the universe aligns. And I catch a glimpse of what it’s all about. Maybe it’s just a hint, or a feeling. But I race back to this screen and type, type, type, hammering it down before the elusive thought slips away again…