SAINT CHRISTOPHER: LOOSE CANON!
Posted by John Pender
Written by John Pender
Short Script, 24 pages (Comedy, Action)
Viewed by: 17 Members
Uploaded: Nov 24, 2015
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When Satan tricks the Vatican into erasing Saint Christopher from its historical record, the legendary Canaanite drops-in from the heavens on an unearthly quest to settle the score!
Representation & Attached Talent
ACT 1 SYNOPSIS:
The story opens in ancient Canaan with a narrated series of shots to knock out some necessary backstory exposition, then flashes forward to 1969 and the supernatural Christopher dropping-in on the UC Berkeley campus soon after escorting Jefferson Airplane safely to Woodstock.
Christopher’s last minute, earthly assignment?: body guard a UC Berkeley archeologist and Priest, Father Vincente, to a summer-of-love edition of the game show “What’s My Trip?” at the campus TV studio.
Vincente is currently in possession of a sacred urn containing a yet to be deciphered, two-thousand year old papyri scroll, the Book of Jed, the reason for his mystery guest appearance on the game show.
But Vincente, Christopher discovers, suddenly reburied the urn and mysteriously flung himself off of a cliff. Christopher, being a pragmatic, old-school, loose cannon, spots an opportunity for some shameless self-promotion, and decides to fill-in for Vincente on the game show.
Meanwhile, and unknown to Christopher, Satan, in an act of revenge against the wildman – for reasons foreshadowed in Act 1 and revealed in Acts 2 and 3 – plays his own Devil’s Advocate to the Vatican – a breech of supernatural guidelines in earthly matters. But hey, he’s the devil.
Incognito as atheist and law professor Hitch Milton, Satan argues successfully to have the Patron Saint of Travelers tossed from the Vatican’s official record due to a lack of evidence supporting Christopher’s sketchy past.
Is this UC Berkeley thing mere coincidence, or God’s mysterious ways in full effect? That’s one of several insidious plotholes for the reader to consider until the evidence is all-in via reveals and the story’s climax.
Now, the game show includes a panel of local celebrities of the times: a Berkeley Mayoral candidate, a castration feminist and a violent Black Panther armed with an M-16.
Let’s just say there is some willful conflict between the panelists and Christopher.
Act 1 closes with Christopher’s discovery of Satan’s revenge scheme. Unaware he’s been drugged by an LSD laced micro-dart, Christopher teleports to the Vatican to intervene as the TV studio audience runs screaming for the exits, trampling the weaker ones.
Act 2 reveals the results of Christopher’s “Vatican Incident” - a penitent stretch in Purgatory, and Christopher’s offer of atonement, not unlike, say, Snake Plisken in Escape From New York, just insanely over-the-top.
A reluctant Christopher accepts an earthly assignment as bodyguard to a blindly ambitious Nun and archeologist, Sister Palomino, currently in possession of the recently rediscovered urn and Book of Jed, and setting up a wild road trip battle between good and evil from Mt. Diablo, California back to UC Berkeley to rendezvous with the new Pope for a bookend climax and resolution.
This is a story of redemption. A satirical, action-packed farcical battle featuring a politically incorrect Saint Christopher as you've never imagined him, and a supporting cast of willful crazies from both sides.
If anyone is interested, I will upload, or email you the entire script for your critique. Just ask.