“My Big Big Sword”

Synopsis by
William Rock

“My Big Big Sword” is a comedic look at what it takes to re-write our personal history and change the trajectory of our lives. It’s the story of a history professor who, with three days to save her job, generates publicity with a theory that Excalibur was actually King Arthur’s penis.

Professor Colleen Tioram has always taken life seriously - and it hasn’t paid off. Her marriage to a hot-shot lawyer is stuck in divorce court. Now her job as Chair of the History department is threatened, when ruthless “efficiency expert” Miss Taylor downsizes Colleen’s best friend and puts the whole department on the agenda for the Trustees meeting in three days.

A journalist named Tommy connects Colleen with social media influencer Briana Betterface and they formulate a plan: to drum up awareness of their plight with an old theory of Colleen’s, that Excalibur was King Arthur’s penis.

The plan immediately goes awry when conspiracy theorist Briana decides calling a penis a sword must be a government cover-up. Colleen becomes the face of the “Free the Peen” movement as protests sweep campus.

As time runs out, Colleen must reconcile her love of serious history with becoming the world’s leading expert on medieval and pre-medieval penises. To defeat Miss Taylor she must learn that in history, just as in our own life stories, it is the imperfections that make it interesting.

“My Big Big Sword” is comic quest about finding a new path forward when all seems lost; a comedy for anyone who believes the only way to be taken seriously is by being serious all the time.